my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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