not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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