she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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