omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
