any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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