Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
