If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
