I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
