i need an iv and a liver transplant
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
