I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
