Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
