just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
