I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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