Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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