man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
