Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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