There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
