so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
