The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
