There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
