So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When are your genitals available?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
