i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
