i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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