Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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