I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
