it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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