I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
