seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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