Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
