lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
