Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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