The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
