I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I AM VODKA MAN
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
