accomplished twins. life is a go
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
