She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
