He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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