Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
