New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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