does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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