just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You're a waste of cheezeits
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
