hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
