i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
