What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
