"it" just moved
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
