I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
