i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
