Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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