So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
