watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
