see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
