I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
