so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
